Pattanam story #3 :A Seperation

“There was nowhere I could go that wouldn't be you

Even though im a bit drunk and had a heavy dinner i cant sleep right now, and im confused that whether it is due to the over dehydration of this climate or just the burden of thoughts that i cant occupy in a dream.. All that im thinking right now is about her. Its all because she is leaving back to her continent tonight. When i first met her at the airport among the research team,i felt she is an academic kind of person and wont indulge in fun talks with others. And the first days with her, i used to observe her without her knowledge. She was the silent one among them, she had less words but a rare and beautiful smile, i still don't have more words to describe her smile,oh god.. its divine. I always wanted to tell her not to smile like that, because i cannot take my eyes off her while she is smiling. I always try to be near her, all i need was just her presence. Some times i just takes a seat near her while having the lunch or dinner and simply eats there without even speaking a word. From the beginning itself i knew that she is the person whom i will miss the most. I just knew that some kind of chemistry is going to work between us, and her eyes speaks a lot. The day she talked to me about the her not so good past, i was feeling happier that i am someone whom she thought to share her troubles, that too she wont open to others easily. My camera cant resist to click her if she is somewhere around it, i don't care whether it is amid-st the excavation or even a serious meeting time. I have taken more photos of her than the trench photographs which i am supposed to take here and the photograph i got as a coincidence on the day we went to Ernakulam for an official lecture was the best. I got framed with her in a mirror which is just opposite to the road where we were standing and i still believe she came there just to be in that photograph, as she just disappeared from the lecture. I treasure each moment spend with her, from the pointless conversations during the evenings to the dance with her on farewell night. Sometimes i feel that human mind is such a ridiculous thing that it wont obey us sometimes. Many times i tried to say to my mind not to follow her as she is leaving soon from this land, but the more i try to go away from her the more i end up thinking about her. I dont know what kind of relationship is this, and i don't what to name it and categorize it , just let there be a relation , an emotion. I was happy with her, and i will try hard to be happy without her. I wish there was no one around us when she hugged me with wet eyes before leaving back to her place, as i couldn't tell her any good words or even shed a drop of tear. If u choose for the warmth of a closer bond, u will have to taste the pain of separation. And i don't understand the rule applied by this nature to show justice . Its roaring and lightning here, is it showing its anger or getting emotional by shedding tears? cruel rules..

                                                                - Sandeep